Paul, the Octopus: New Job at IMF? tagged: , , , ,

Paul, the Octopus: New Job at IMF?

Posted by in Mixed Grill, Sports

 Paul may have been extolled by millions of fans worldwide, but now the oracle octopus is faced with the harsh reality: death threats from angry Germans and unemployment. World Cup is over; UEFA Euro 2012 is too far. The global economic crisis and the armies of jobless do not make it easy for hard working Paul to find a job, earning his own crabs and clams. The risk of landing on a grill or falling into the oven remains extremely high.

Already the Spanish Prime Minister Jose Zapatero has offered him refuge and official state protection – probably with “laissez-passer” documents.

“I am concerned for the octopus … I am thinking of sending him a protective team,” Zapatero told Spanish radio, NESN.com reported.

 Of course, the risk for Paul’s life still hangs over his well-developed head. Not matter if he has eight arms to protect himself, mad and maniacs are everywhere. Aren’t there millions of German tourists visiting each year beautiful Marbella and sunny Costa del Sol? Who will protect Paul from the fraudulent tourist, who bought his Last Minute ticket online solely to turn Paul into… tapas?

I believe there is only one person in Spain that can provide outmost safety and high security to Paul: Queen Sofia. Not only did she prove to be an enthusiastic soccer fan, who loves to walk around through the players’ locker rooms. La Reina is also famous for charitable activities in the field of children, elderly and animals. Here must be mentioned that her sister Irene is a Buddhist and a devoted vegetarian!


In order to avoid provoking indebted Spaniards with extravagant security expenses in Zarzuela Palace,  the adorable Mr. Paul could seek a new job and start a new round of predictions. Economical ones this time!  At least until EURO 2012.

Two year old  Paul can get a 2-year contract job at International Monetary Fund or European Central Bank as a super qualified Risks-Executive. This time Paul can predict state bankruptcies!

Risky countries could be divided in Euro zone League, Non-Euro zone Europe League, Latin America League etc.

For example, the first test could be between Greece (oyster) and Spain (mussel). Paul has to pick up the clam representing the country he thinks it will go bankrupt first.

Then Strauss-Kahn and Trichet can initiate a cross test. They can put two cheap plastic boxes in front of oracleing octopus containing his favorites bites, a snail and a crab. Each container will be marked with a YES and a NO tag. The box that smart but bulimic & brainless Paul will open first and eat its content will decide with a definite Yes or No for country’s bankruptcy perspective.

This will would secure Paul a job for the next two years and sponsorships by Merrill Lynch, Fitch, Standard and Poor’s, to mention only some. Water, food and publicity will be reserved.

However this will also enable the governing coaches of concerned countries to review tax collections and austerity measures, recalculate the risks. They will have time to prepare a good defensive strategy and avoid goals, fouls and corners from Spreads and CDS betting speculators or avid Haircut supporters.

To tell you the truth I cannot recall what Paul had predicted for the Greek National Team…

To tell you the truth I do not dare to bet what an IMF-working Paul would foretell for the economic future of my country. Paul’s Word Cup predictions had an 85% success rate. He currently resides in Oberhausen, Germany.

Nevertheless a Greek endearing summer savory is grilled octopus in the company of milky Ouzo and the escort of black olives.